By Thalia Stoffers
In a “Code Switch” podcast episode entitled “‘Racial Impostor Syndrome': Here Are Your Stories,” the idea of being doubtful about fitting into your racial identity is introduced through the notion of Racial Imposter Syndrome.
This feeling is most common for people with varying or complex racial backgrounds. For me,
although not greatly complex compared to others, being half-Mexican and half-white has led me to an overwhelming feeling many times in my life: Am I an imposter?
Now, I should start by saying that growing up, I never really felt this way. I knew my mom was Mexican and that her parents immigrated here from Mexico. I knew my dad was white. Their identities blended themselves seemingly flawlessly to create the natural dynamics of a typical family. I liked how big my mom’s family was. I knew that everyone on her side of the family—including several aunts, uncles, and cousins—was fully Mexican. This never made me
feel unwelcome or different. My family treated me like anyone else. I was able to enjoy countless parties with Mexican foods, drinks and desserts and I never felt like I was unique in any way.
This feeling of questioning my status amongst other Mexican people really presented itself for the first time in high school. I remember having two Mexican friends and them pointing out how white I look. Because of my appearance, one of these friends even once said, “You’re not a real Mexican.”
Although that person and I are still friends to this day, at the time I couldn’t help feeling hurt. I had experienced nearly every holiday with the Mexican side of my family for my entire life. My mom always incorporated Spanish slang into our everyday lives. So many significant moments of my life were filled with culturally Mexican attributes.
From this moment on, I felt doubtful. I felt like I could not identify as Mexican because I would come off as a fraud. My outer appearance does, in fact, seem very white and this has led me to feel like my Mexican culture seemingly doesn’t count. In my life, I have always been proud to be Mexican. I am proud to have a Mexican mom and Mexican grandparents. Despite this, my appearance has led me to endless questioning about whether I should identify as Mexican or white.
The older I get, the more I am realizing my experiences and culture are my own. They are not for the approval or disapproval of anyone else. I have learned to acknowledge that my fair complexion is in conjunction with privilege that I need not ever forget — especially since many people in my family have been treated differently due to their darker complexions.
Despite my initial appearance, I know who I truly am and how important being Mexican is to me despite not always appearing as such to the outside world. I am not an imposter.
To discover more about racial imposter syndrome check out these links:
To listen to the podcast that introduced the idea of racial imposter syndrome visit https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2018/01/17/578386796/racial-impostor-syndrome-
here-are-your-stories?t=1643884883769
To read stories of other people who have faced this feeling visit https://www.bbc.com/news/
stories-55909105.amp
A story that helped me connect my feelings to the experiences of others was at https://
www.shedoesthecity.com/not-asian-enough-a-journey-through-biracial-impostor-syndrome/
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