Written by Mia Denari
Like many of us, it took me a long time to figure out who I was and who I was attracted to. When I was younger, I thought it was a weird feeling that I was attracted to a girl in my second grade class. She had prettier eyes than most and a smile that made me smile. I started to look at her in a way that wasn’t just friendship. At that age, I had no idea what that feeling was. I just knew I liked her a lot more than my other girl friends. Sexuality was never discussed at a young age in school or in my household. Especially growing up in a household with parents of different genders, I thought that was the only acceptable relationship to have.
As I got older, I didn’t think about girls as much as I used to. By the time I reached middle school, the only thing I wanted to do was fit in. The more girls I met, the more I noticed they talked about boys. A lot. I became confused because the more we talked about boys, the more I realized I liked them too.
By the time high school came around, I really only noticed myself being attracted to boys. I still felt the need to fit in and wanted to talk to my friends about the crushes we all had. Looking back on my high school years, I feel like I suppressed my sexuality to the point where I didn’t know I had ever even been attracted to girls. But as my teen years went on, my confusion led me to reject all genders. I became scared of being attracted to anyone because I didn’t know what I wanted. It was an unsettling feeling I had when I realized I liked someone and it always tended to pass quickly. I would look down on myself and proceed to think that I was always the issue in these scenarios. I didn’t think much of it until I reached college and opened myself back up to new possibilities.
Once I arrived at the University of Oregon, I decided to act purely out of emotion and not logic. I have rarely surrounded myself with people who are fluid with their sexuality, which prolonged my confusion. My freshman year of college I was only interested in boys and didn’t think twice about girls. I was still scared to express myself the way I wanted to, and I felt like I had to choose a very stereotypical path.
I ended up being in a sorority for a bit, but it didn't stick. It didn’t feel like I had the personality to fit in as a typical “sorority girl”. Still surrounding myself with people in Greek life, I felt like I couldn’t be myself. To me, there was a certain expectation I had to achieve, and I just kept feeling like I would never get there.
My sophomore year of college started, and I met my current boyfriend. I ended up joining another sorority because I still hadn’t found my place. For so long, I kept thinking I knew who I was, but it wasn’t until I met my boyfriend that I started to come to terms with my sexuality. For nine months into my relationship with my boyfriend, I felt a lot more comfortable expressing my thoughts on women. This was my way of hinting to the people I am close to that I’m also attracted to girls. After thinking about this for a long time, I woke up one day and was confident in saying I was bisexual.
It was very shocking for many people because all they saw was me dating a man. There were people who told me I couldn’t come out as bisexual if I am in a relationship with a man. To that, I tell them that without my boyfriend I wouldn’t be comfortable with who I am today. He made me realize who I was and gave me the space to express my truest self.
It has now been almost a year since I have accepted myself as bisexual. For many, it’s still a hard concept to understand, but I am thankful to have friends and family who are supportive of me and love me just the same. Everyone has their own coming out story, and while some may find it odd that mine occurred while I was in a relationship with a man, I wouldn’t have chosen it any other way.
