Having big dreams and passionate aspirations is probably why you committed to college in the first place, but a huge reason why students decide to attend college is the pressure from parents and peers who make it feel like college was the only acceptable route post-high school. College applications were intense and intimidating. Also, receiving the first rejection letter opens up a whole new world of hurt. Many students had dreams to go to a prestigious school and were told that only universities like Yale, Dartmouth, Harvard, etc. should be considered. Students applying to colleges were under the impression that only these elite schools could meet or fulfill our own expectations, or at least the expectations placed on us by our friends, peers, parents and teachers. This is otherwise known as the toxic ivy league mindset.
University of Oregon is a highly accredited university, but getting into any college is a huge accomplishment: an accomplishment that should not be devalued based on which institution you choose to attend. It is as if our big, wild and crazy childhood dreams of becoming astronauts, presidents and celebrities have become limited and refocused on just being accepted into a specific college, program or internship; and that mindset is grounded in the expectations put on us by society. Think about it for just a second, what do YOU want? What is the best way for you to achieve that with where you are now? And if you do not know yet, great! You currently go to a university that has a lot to offer with so many opportunities waiting to be taken advantage of. That is what matters – doing the best you can while making an effort to stay positive.
It is important to take a moment out of your day to consciously be proud of where you are. Even if you missed the due date for an assignment or missed a class, you are here now – still capable of doing great things. It is vital to your own success and happiness that you release yourself from those unreasonable expectations. To help you with reevaluating and changing your expectations, here are some tips from the article, “You are enough: Tips to reset expectations and alleviate stress” from the University of Colorado:
Practice gratitude
Like I mentioned before, take time to celebrate the small things and be proud of yourself for making it this far. Make a list of all your positive characteristics that you enjoy or like about yourself. Altering your mentality to focus more on the positive aspects of life will help you the next time you feel like you are in the midst of a stressful situation or experiencing setbacks.
Refine your feed - online and in real life
For social media, ask yourself the following questions:
- Do the posts I see make me feel better or worse?
- Am I comparing my life, body or success to others?
- Are any of my social feeds negatively affecting my mental health?
In real life, you can ask yourself many of the same things:
- Are the people in my life making me feel better or worse?
- Am I comparing my life, body or success to others?
- Are my relationships negatively affecting my mental health?
Be kind to yourself
This one is a given, but seriously, go easy on yourself. Life is difficult as is and you should not hold yourself to unreasonable expectations, like expecting yourself to be strong at every given moment. Experiencing feelings of fatigue, frustration or disappointment are innate to the human experience. To combat those feelings try using positive internal dialogue with yourself. The CU article wrote, “For instance, instead of telling yourself ‘I should have done better on that project,’ tell yourself ‘I did my best with the time and resources I had.’ Show yourself kindness, and acknowledge the effort you put towards different activities.”
Releasing expectations is easier said than done, but hopefully you learn to be more kind to yourself. Constant negativity is presented to us in everyday life, so changing that voice in your head to be positive can make a world of a difference. The toxic ivy league mindset is exhausting and needs to retire in all of our lives.
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